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Death is a Warm Blanket

by Microwave

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1.
if you don’t want to talk, then just don’t talk i’m fine with us just sitting in silence   if you want me to go then just say so   you can drop me off somewhere  i don’t know . . .  i don’t have anywhere to go  i’ve got nowhere to go  i found you passed out in your doorway   a few more seconds and you might have made it to your bed   we used to be the fireball whiskey weekend warriors but now, it’s Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday . . .  i don’t know if we’ll ever be sober again   i have a pile of regrets  i tear it down build it up tear it down build it up tear it down dismembered climbing up your window a few more hours down at Grady and we’ll be back peeing off the porch i’ve only got a couple limbs though i’m pulling straws i can’t even . . . i don’t have anywhere to go i’ve got nowhere to go just a pile of regrets two fifths of cheap shit three years of free rent, tight jeans, and loose men if you don’t want to talk then just don’t talk i’m fine with us just sitting in silence if you want me to go then just say so
2.
striking poses for candid throwbacks clout-face, love-hungry grins dirty laundry in a scented trash bag air it out let it blow in the wind out of scope i see myself in you though when we’re down and out we go out wake up dried-up in a wet bed two empty fifths and a mouth of chalk washed up torn up disaffected my friends don’t swim; we float to the top femme fatale with a coke-glittered glow wear a dress i don’t really care trade your hat for a pack of Newports get depressed cut off all of your hair i’ve kept myself a secret made it all so cryptic i hate myself for it can’t forgive can’t forget can’t wear those pants like I used to can’t yell as loud as I used to yell i talk shit at flat on the weekends you give blood then you give up on yourself my friends don’t swim; we float to the top
3.
02:58
i’ve been trying to sell my soul i’m at the back of the line green mining through ashtrays some things never change the bottom shelf is a black hole Slow and Low, Rock and Rye knocked me out for a while now, i’m wide-awake i don’t want to . . . i don’t want it chip crumbs on my shoulder i always shit where i sleep i’m asleep in your living room so guard your things i really needed a blanket i didn’t know how to ask buried deep in your cushions . . . i’m dead (bury me) i don’t want to (death is a warm blanket) i don’t want to (bury me) i don’t want to feel it (cover up, move on to better things) i don’t want to (bury me) i don’t want to (bury me) i don’t want to feel
4.
i’ve been pouring on cement i’m in up to my face exploiting my demons laying myself to waste it doesn’t really get better that’s just something they say no, we’re all racing to the bottom . . . let’s skip to the last scene i want to be here to watch it all don’t pray for me i’m not blind i’m just sick endlessly looping concrete rubbing stiff knees in the back seat feeling indolent sleeping and dulling sprained ribs and mucus with codeine and compliments when all our stickers are peeled off of the bathrooms that we shit in in the places that we visit, i’ll have nothing nothing to show for this i don’t want to get sucked under the tracks i’m not eager to prove myself right but i keep shoveling coal under the boiler this train is bound for hell the brakeman has resigned (racing to the bottom) apart at the seams (racing to the grave) this is a time piece (racing to the bottom) let’s skip to the last scene i want to be here to watch it all don’t pray for me i’m not blind i’m just sick
5.
03:51
fix what’s broken  if it isn’t broke, then break it the last of our scene are circled with pitchforks yelling, “bleach out all the colors.  paint it black and grey.  kill off all your heroes.  destroy whatever makes you feel unsafe.”  so write off all of your old friends tolerance is a well-swept path to hell build a shrine to your resentment tell me again what a rough hand you’ve been dealt recirculating the worry holding onto your pain it doesn’t really get better that’s just something they say so, bleach out all the colors paint it black and grey kill off all your heroes destroy whatever makes you feel unsafe
6.
02:34
i never wanted this . . . whatever i’ve got right now i was waiting on it to get easier i’m still waiting it out you’re pulling me back you’re pulling me back down you win i can’t i can’t do this again if i ever get that bad, take me out to a field and shoot me if i ever get that bad take what you can; don’t leave me with your hands empty i know what you want i’m not resistant i’m speeding it up the best days are when I know that it’s over the worst are when I hope that it’s not there’s a footnote at the bottom of a page that no one reads the last representation of what we used to be we refuse to accept it but it fits us like a glove you don’t have to be happy to be loved
7.
if the shoe fits, then the shoe fits it’s effortless falling backwards. but, can you stomach it? it’s never going to get better than this
8.
02:57
feet on the side mirror with a sunset in the rearview i’m coming back. back to the state; to a constant state of crisis . . . because what do you do once you’re safe and you find that everything you wanted is everything you hate? time hasn’t been kind it’s been building up under our eyes but we’ve got time still we’ll figure it out we’ve taken it this far so why stop now? show me some teeth i want to feel it i need something worth keeping a secret i need something
9.
03:26
riding the break of the death wave cold wind in the sails caught up in the foreplay never playing it out you can’t disappear so you bury your head in the ground but they’ll all sit back when you go to climb out of that hole ;when your heart gets cold our eyes will roll til they get stuck facing backwards in our heads with a victim’s boundless virtuosity you’ve gotta own your flaws to loose their jaws i’m just driving in that wedge cause i don’t get caught with my pants around my feet so don’t do me any favors i can take care of me no, i don’t owe anyone anything things are built to be broken thrown and piled away the end will justify the means born with two wrong feet it’s what you let it be do you murder me in your lucid dreams? oh god, I hope you do and you’ll plan it out in real life someday soon i found my niche in this pile of shit i’ve got nothing left to prove but there’s nothing else that i really want to do so this is what i do
10.
03:14
if you only look at what you want to see,  you can see whatever you want to believe you can make your mantra “love all equally”  and hate everyone else that disagrees   in a perfect world, i don’t think i would sing my voice would shrink in peaceful atrophy i don’t want to spend eternity wandering around some distant cloud in a victor’s crown that sounds like hell to me so when it’s all unfolding, when you’re ripping out your seams, when the tides start calling, i hope you think of me   when it’s all for nothing . . . every fuck you chose to give the truth was always ugly  Honesty is Insensitive. every god and every conscious mouth will sing, “we filled it up the world is ending”  i’m resigned to be a part of everything   i want to know when it falls apart that I did my part  that part of it was me

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released September 13, 2019

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Microwave Atlanta, Georgia

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