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Nowhere Feels Like Home

by Microwave

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1.
Never Again 02:14
I can tell that you're trying not to open your eyes, but the sun is too bright. Come, give up and move on. Leave that city and drive to nowhere. I followed the sun as it passed by my streets, my friends, my home. And I swore under my breath that they would never see my face around here. Never Again. I shut the door and put that beater in gear. I watched your face get smaller in my rear-view mirror. I put my finger out and I screamed, "here's that white picket fence. here's that american dream."
2.
Kansas 03:48
That voice told my heart to turn around, but my heart wouldn’t shake That voice was so persistent. I disconnected the brakes. And I pushed that pedal down. I watched the fuel gauge as it went south. And I pushed that pedal down. My engine sputtered and died right in front of her house. Her Father was stationed overseas and her Mom was buried in the backyard. She didn’t have a future there, but she had five gallons of gasoline. She packed her things inside my car. And in the kitchen by the phone with a felt-tip pen, she wrote a note. She said, “Daddy I can’t take it anymore. They tell me there’s a world out there, but I just have to make sure.” She turned around and took a last look and then she shut that beater door. And I pushed that pedal down.
3.
Filthy 04:21
We didn't stop til late that night. Fell asleep in the glow of neon lights. On that gum-paved sidewalk with years and years of spit and tears, we forgot all of our worries and our fears. And I lost my spirit. I lost my peace. I lost my virtue. She took it from me. And you wouldn't believe the filthy things she whispered in my ear. They asked if we would like a drink and we were ready to go. The things her father would do to me, I don't even want to know. That night was a river we jumped right in and swam downstream. I don't know where this will go but I'm pretty sure we're going to see. Hours and hours turned into days and days turned into years and years. We spent that entire decade drunk and high we took it beer by beer. And we fell more and more in love.
4.
Bright 05:01
There ain’t a drop left in my cup. They had my heart all riled up. “We own this town. There ain’t a damn thing that could pull us down.” And when we left the bar that night, I saw the devil he was smiling. I looked into her Hazel eyes. I made her promise she would always be beside me. "Cause for the past few years, something hasn’t felt right. I watched your face get dark. You used to be so . . ." That phrase had such a ring, “We own this town. And there ain’t a damn thing that could pull us down.” God please forgive me. I won’t remember this in the morning. I’m not getting better. We took a trip to that lonely apartment a ways outside those neon lights, Where we spent our quiet mornings after those deafening nights. Outside the devil stood he came to claim what he loaned. Outside the devil watched he came to take what he owned. That phrase had such a ring, “We own this town. And there ain’t a damn thing that could pull us down.” God please forgive me. I won’t remember this in the morning. I’m not getting better. That fog, that ice. If I were sober I’d have known. Such a beautiful night, but she never made it home.
5.
I pulled myself from what was left of that beater’s frame. I scratched the VIN and I ripped off the license plate. I poured some gasoline on top to cover up my shame. I watched the two things I loved most go up in flames. Sunburnt tongues the songs they’d sung spat out spit and twisted up. Salt water, foam, a sea of grief, I spat out blood and broken teeth. The way she used to say my name. The way the light shined off her face. I screamed. I looked for someone to blame. I screamed: “How could you? How could you? How could you take her from me? You coward! I’ll kill you. I’ll make you wish you never lived.” I reached outward in shame. I looked for someone to blame. But there was no one to find. Just the Devil and I. I woke up in my room the next day still alive. Sick and sober without you by my side. I turned on the Radio. “Last night on road 25 a car was found with a woman inside. Fractured spine, paralyzed, set on fire and left to die.” “How could you? How could you? How could you take her from me? You coward! I’ll kill you. I’ll make you wish you never lived.” I reached outward in shame. I looked for someone to blame. But there was no one to find. Just the Devil and I.
6.
I-70 05:10
I took everything I owned from that lonely apartment. Rent was paid for the next three months. The next time they came here I’d be gone. I walked two blocks to a phone, I called my brother and I said, “Brother, I’m coming home.” I left, conquered, a long long time ago. My streets, my friends, the place I called my home. Something was missing I had to make sure that there was really a world out there. My thumb catches the breeze as cars fly by just a few feet in front of me. I think I finally found my peace, but God knows I’ve been doing all the wrong things. God knows I’ve been doing all the wrong things. I stand here on the side of the Interstate. The wind blows dust in my face. My feet are tired and my body aches. I ain’t slept for days and days and days. I hope one day that you can forgive me. I hope somewhere that you understand. Deafening nights, the beater, our heartbeat. I should have known that it all had to end. I took everything I owned from that lonely apartment. Rent was paid for the next three months. The next time they came here I’d be gone. I walked two blocks to a phone and I called my brother I said, “Brother, I’m coming home.”

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Recorded with C.J. Ridings at Blindfold Productions in Avondale Estates, Georgia.

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released January 10, 2013

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Microwave Atlanta, Georgia

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